Mijanou ter Braak

Letting go of someone who didn't love you

Yesterday my brother died. After not having contact for nearly 10 years my brother contacted me two months ago with the sad news he had cancer stage 4.
I feld extremely sad for him, even knowing my brother treated me like shit most of the time.
So I went to him, helped him, gave him money, slept at his place and took care over him, swallowed all his demanding and degrading behaviour towards me, because I felt sorry for him, and because I loved him, regardless of the asshole he used to be to me and his 5 ex wives.
I thought, come on, let's forgive and forget.

But whatever I pretended,my heart broke when my brother screamed angry at me after I drove for more than 7 hours to be beside him at his death bed.

I was so stupid to think we would hold hands for the last time, so he could die in peace. But I can't change the fact that until the end, my brother only cared about himself.

I loved him but broke up with him because all he ever did was scream and shout at me that I didn't do anything right. All he ever contacted me for was money or help, and still, I had this little bit of hope...

This crazy thought, that maybe deep inside he did love me to...

Now I just have to accept it, that I will never get the love I was hoping he would give me one day.

It's hard to let go, of someone who didn't love you, because every time you think about them, you remember the pain they gave you.

You don't always get what you give.

Lees meer >> | 13 keer bekeken

I hate ugly art

I used to have a neighbour who was a docter and a gallery owner. Even knowing he was a stuborn man, I liked him.

One day we were having a discussion about art. He was doing a course on how to be a gallery owner, because he wanted to sell more, and in this course he was told, that art doesn't have to be beautiful.

Lees meer >> | 18 keer bekeken

Finishing first chapter of ''web''comic

Art is a way to express your feelings
This comic is a way to share my thoughts
Although I've been playing more piano over the past years than drawing, I finally beginning to see the end of the first introduction chapter of my ''web'' comic The Philosopher
I express my thoughts on society, people, the way the system shapes us and how we are moulded into this unnatural shape which I don't like.
I did also write 2 illustrated toddler books, which I will finish in the next month as well.

The good thing about playing piano is that I'm rather good with piano after playing it for 6 years now, and with that I fulfilled a dream I had when I was 6 years old.

Better late than never..;-)

Lees meer >> | 31 keer bekeken

Revenge

Staring at the wall, feeling nothing at all

Thinking about how things could have been

About how things should have been

Emotionally numbed

Bad karma is haunting me

Why couldn’t it be, any better for me?

I’m drowning in an ocean of despair

Lees meer >> | 49 keer bekeken

Mispelled

When I write
I do make mistakes
Mispelled
Again
What shall I do?
Will they think I'm stupid?
Will they understand
What I was trying say

Can I still post the thing I was eager to write
When I take it off, and repost it?
Or did they already block me
Making all my effort in vain

If i leave it like it is
full of mistakes
It will stay
Then they can't take it away

With my head up high
My pride strong
Holding the pen real tight
I'm going to leave what I said
Just the way I said it

Lees meer >> | 39 keer bekeken

Sadism

Societies, which accept unscientific values and beliefs about sex, are bound to generate unhealthy deviations involving cruelty, sadism, etc

Maatschappijen die onwetenschappelijke waarden en overtuigingen over sex aanvaarden, zullen beslist ongezonde afwijkingen zoals wreedheid, sadisme, etc., ontwikkelen.

https://www.thevenusproject.com/the-venus-project/

Lees meer >> | 47 keer bekeken

Sex offender

I feel like...you ruined my life...again

I feel bad & you...you feel... just ...fine

For you I was something that gave you pleasure

My pain...gave you pleasure

My nightmares turn you on

It was brief for you, just an hour of pleasure

For me it was longlasting

When I drive, I think about you

When I sleep, I dream about you

I keep remembering that feeling

When you were having pleasure while I was having pain

I keep remembering the humiliation

Of you not giving a shit about my pain

Of you feeling good, hearing me beg you to stop

Of you trying to look like a nice guy, after you stopped

I trusted you, and because of that, I was blind to see

The disgusting truth of the real you

The sadist no one knows

Lees meer >> | 47 keer bekeken

Denying the holocaust is Fascism, not antisemitism

After reading some Dutch tweets on a site called Linda, it really woried me that denying the Holocaust is called antisemitism. The word Fascism is not even mentioned.

Does that mean we don't have to fear Fascism? Only antisemitism?

I thought the fascist movements of today doesn't give a shit about Jews, For all they focus on are Muslims.

Lees meer >> | 35 keer bekeken

Money rules this western shithole

Money rules this shithole

This shithole's called the West

This Western world is full of shit

Is full of people full of shit

Pretending to be better that the rest of the world

But the truth be told

it's just a shithole

With rules protecting only rich

Lees meer >> | 35 keer bekeken

Nederlandse underground muziekblog van Carry

Carry's Kei goeie nederlandstalige blog van internationale undergroundmusic 

Allen daarheen om te luisteren

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://carrysnewundergroundmusic.blogspot.com/

Lees meer >> | 58 keer bekeken