Mijanou ter Braak

Last week monday was the day my f became a v....One of my front teeth had to be pulled. Two people knocked it out of my mouth violently about 27 and 28 years ago. The first time it was placed back right after it happened but the second time it took several hours before it was placed back. 

Anyway, after all those years the tooth totaly died of, became black and started to collapse. I cried when it was knocked out and i cried when it was pulled last week. 

I hate those mothervuckers that did it, but life doesn't always go as you would like. And some things can't be changed. And this, I can't change it....

Because of the emotional state I was in this week, remembering bad memories, I thought once more about pacifism. I am opposed to war, militarism and violence, but always refered to myself as an aggressive pacifist. I know that people and systems who make war use selfdefence as an excuse to fight dirty fights and kill innocent people, but that doesn't mean you can condemn every violent action done by an individual as bad.

We are after all, just animals. If you get hurt or treatened, it is only natural to fight back. Not fighting back is unhealthy. Attacking people without reason is unhealthy to! People who go around beating people without reason are sick! But if you get beaten by someone, you should beat them back! And if they are to strong for you, run like Bruce Lee adviced. No fight is always better than a fight he said.

Most intelectuals and pacifist don't agree with that. They think hitting back is for ignorant and stupid people. They even dare to say it is primitive. But from what i've seen, not hitting back creates an unatural frustration in people and on the long run, those same people could become sadistic and cruel. Being sadistic and cruel might not be direct violence and cause no physical harm, but the mental damage can be huge. Some people who don't fight back will just become depressed and sad for life, never being able to live a normal life...

Our emotional wellbeing is important to. And if we don't react in a natural way to external things like being beaten up or being bullied we'll become frustrated. And it is exactly that frustration most pacifist avoid to talk about...

I have great respect for ex army people who join the anti war movement. They show that people can change. They also learned from experience that war is a dirty business.The thing that makes a person clever is the fact that he dares to admit he was wrong.  People who never admit they were wrong, a lot of high schooled people are like that, can't be clever in my opinion. 

In a kind of way I do feel some forms of pacifism are simular to the attitude of a coward. How can one just stand by and do nothing? Praying that that will end the so called vicious circle of violence... It's like hoping for a miracle to happen...

I do believe if all soldiers would trow down their weapons war would end, but I also believe that it is natural and normal to defend myself and the people I like if the soldiers and violent people who don't believe in that point their fist or gun at me...